Living with PTSD: When Doing the Right Things Isn’t Working

I’ve checked my HRV every morning for the last 22 days. I’ve done a guided meditation every day for the last 14 days. I’ve done a kind, calm yoga practice led by an awesome yogi every day for the last week, and most of the week before that.

Why then, are my PTSD symptoms so bad?

I got triggered 3 days ago, and it was all I could do to finish the work week. I mean all I could was work because that’s a longtime cope for me. I can’t deal with people, sleeping is hard, my nerves are in shreds and even though I’ve stuck to the 1% plan, it doesn’t feel like it’s helping. I can still barely get out of bed.

So when people say “try breathing” or “try yoga” or “try meditation” or any of that…

I DO TRY. IT DOESN’T ALWAYS HELP ME.

And that’s such a disappointing and frustrating experience, to do the things that are supposed to help only to have them not help or make it worse. I was swearing at the woman in the yoga video this morning because her positivity was so far from where I was, and the premise that the practice would be good for me was so false.

So, now what?

I keep going, trusting that the damage to my brain wasn’t (although in some ways it was) created overnight, and won’t heal that fast either. Trusting that 2 or 3 or maybe even 4 weeks isn’t enough to move the needle, but maybe week 5 or 6 will be. And that what I’m learning in the process will be worth it, even if it isn’t right now.

2 comments

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  1. seaofwordsx

    I can so relate to your words. Sometimes nothing feels like it’s working. Also when I feel anxious and try meditation or read self help books sometimes it doesn’t make me feel better. It’s okay to not be okay. You will be eventually. Don’t be hard on yourself. I’m here for you ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

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