The hard thing about keeping something up for a couple of weeks is that it gets harder to keep it up.
I haven’t been able to leave my house for a few days but had to be out and about for work today. It was long and a lot of time in the car. Not hard work, really, but I left the house and that was hard.
When I finally got home, later than I’d planned, I ate a quick dinner, did some quick paperwork and hopped in the shower. I have a tension spot on my shoulder that flares up into needle-like pain, and I wanted to get a heating pad on it.
I forgot to do yoga.
No big deal, right? Do it tomorrow or double up tomorrow, because it doesn’t matter if you miss a day.
Except that I’ve been missing days. Days and days and days I’ve missed because I couldn’t push myself, didn’t have the discipline and was too ill to do anything that uncomfortable.
There’s a time in living with PTSD that the kindest thing to do for yourself is to give yourself a break, pay attention to how you feel and give yourself space to rest and recover and take it easy. There’s also a time that paying attention to how you feel and doing the kindest thing for yourself looks like pushing yourself to hit your goals, to not skip a day and to not make excuses, because you know that today you can.
So I unfurled my mat (put “get a thicker yoga mat” on the to-do list), did some naked yoga (shoulder pain included) and felt really proud of myself for doing what I didn’t think I could do just two months ago.
Small steps, noticing how I feel and doing what I can every day are starting to add up to a little bit better.