I think I’ve eaten about 20 rolls/cookies/biscuits today.
Part of it is mindless stress eating, part of it is driving in terror for hours this week and my brain thinking all that threat means I need to EAT CARBS, because I might have to flee. It took me years to learn that’s why I do that.
I was going to go work out, but then I started feeling dizzy and decided I probably needed to not drive. I haven’t done yoga in a week after doing it for a month solid.
I can’t celebrate any of my recent accomplishments today because my brain won’t accept good, and it won’t relax out of hyper-alert (probably due to all of the driving I’ve forced myself through).
I took this photo for work, and for work it tells me something. When I look at it outside of that context, it tells me something else.
The darker layer of wood underneath? It’s really good, and high value. It was cut down and milled over 100 years ago, when we still used old-growth timber. It’s incredibly strong and yet flexible, and it doesn’t take a lot of it to hold a tremendous amount of weight and tension.
The wood on top of it by comparison is brittle and isn’t able to serve a purpose other than as a facade, a skin to cover the good stuff. It protected the valuable wood for a while (over 100 years) and was itself covered over with an even less valuable skin for a few decades, but it wasn’t built to last, and it doesn’t have the value. So now were’re stripping it off to get to the good stuff, which can have new life and new purpose.
I think I’ll quit eating cookies and watch a yoga video now…