I spent most of the afternoon trying to write up how I fell into the career I have and why I do what I do. I couldn’t even write a cohesive story.
I know that trauma disrupts narrative and memory, and this evolution of my career has happened in the middle of the trauma that changed my brain, but it has been painful to not be able to craft a cohesive, linear narrative of something that is fundamental to who I am.
It makes me feel like I’m failing at everything.
I tend to catastrophize situations, and that is exactly what I’m doing here, but I cannot seem to kick myself off the loop of not being able to acknowledge what’s good. I am making my own way, opening my own doors and having great response – and all I see is failure.
I don’t have the support I need from the people I need it from, and all I can see is failure.
I don’t have a clear path forward, and all I can see is failure.
I’m not quickly bouncing back from this or adapting to it, and all I can see is failure.
It’s for these moments that you need the practice of self-love and self-care. It’s for this that you need to be able to forgive yourself and give yourself some grace. It’s for this that you need the perspective that this is temporary and that you can hit the pause button before trying again. So that is what I will do – set down the article and the other things I feel I’m failing at – pause, then try again.