I’ve been trying to get caught up after being out of town for work all last week.
It was a lot for me to travel, and I went right back into this work week without any time off or time to rest. Not a great move for me, and it’s been difficult to manage my post-travel symptoms and the avalanche of work tasks.
But I’m doing it.
I had a hard morning trying to navigate prioritizing and scheduling and dealing with a lot of really annoying and unnecessary emails, but I stayed with how I was feeling rather than numbing or ignoring or avoiding, and things are better. Hot tea and slowly clearing stuff off my list have helped, as has a real lunch break, which I haven’t taken in over a week.
I can get stressed by having things hanging over my head, and one of those things was a stack of emails, including some WordPress emails with blogging tips. Much as I don’t put enough effort into my blog to have any notions about growing it or monetizing it, I was interested in reading them. I thought the tips were helpful and I learned something. I mostly learned what it is I’m not in this for right now.
I started my blog as a way to help me deal with PTSD, and it has certainly done that. In the meantime some scarcity thinking has been grabbing at me, and things like follower counts, likes, looks and lifestyles can be really hard to keep calm about while it feels like I live such a constant, uphill battle just to be sane. When I see things about monetizing my site or how to optimize SEO or get more likes, it’s hard to stick to why I really do this – as a tool to heal.
Scarcity thinking is such a hard thing for me to combat, and it’s so pervasive in my life. I think it’s better to face it and be honest about it than not, however, and hopefully consistent awareness of it and being quick to address it will help defeat it.