I’m not sure that it’s disappointment I feel, but this morning’s EMDR session was not successful for me.
I had trouble holding the three things together in my mind, and I had a flashback while we were setting up the sequence. The session did reveal new information about how my body holds trauma, and I find that helpful and informative, but it was a bit discouraging that the process was not yet successful. We’re going to do a bit of checking into the physical sensations I have surrounding driving trauma and focus more on those aspects, but I’ve been cautioned that holding the trauma in my body to this extent may mean I could have difficulty resolving it through eye movement techniques.
In the meantime, as I practice some gratitude, I’m grateful that I’ve had so much practice in the last few months calming myself (mostly while driving, but a couple of flashbacks and last night I had consecutive nightmares) that having a flashback in therapy was not as disturbing or upsetting to me as it could have been, and I am still able to function (almost feeling “caught up” this week and have been able to stay on top of my to-do list!) in spite of the symptoms (which now include a lot of muscle soreness from head to toe).
Sometimes calm, happy and grateful are not a choice. However, I am learning to choose them when they are.