One of the greatest losses I’ve had – in large part due to PTSD – is my loss of tribe.
Because my issues are driving related, getting in the car is a challenge, and I don’t drive unless I have a compelling reason to do so – mostly for work and for networking. I have trouble connecting, and the wide world can be overwhelming. Hell, sitting at my desk working can be overwhelming.
In the process, I’ve lost my tribe. In a previous life I hosted dinners, volunteered, hung out and supported friends in their artistic endeavors. I had a really stressful job, but I balanced it with a lot of connection to the tribe I had gathered around me.
I miss that. I miss them. I miss being able to have those connections and conversations and gatherings.
I have no idea how to build a tribe again. I feel so out of sync and disconnected, and I’ve changed so much and been through so much grief and pain that I don’t quite know where I fit anymore. There are a lot of things about me that are much better now. I have grown in ways I value deeply. I’ve learned so much about myself.
But I am on an island, and it isn’t very fulfilling.