I’ve got a pretty busy week, with a lot of public appearances for work, a very important presentation and a lot of triggers going on.
I have the tools, I have support, and I need the patience to use them and wait it out.
Things can shift so quickly for me. I can be triggered in an instant, I can have the flood of chemicals in a panic attack dissipate in about 20 minutes, I can go from good to horrible in minutes, I can have thoughts of disaster and destruction in a split second, and I can be distracted by having to be “on” for work and not worry about anything at a moment’s notice. The set of things I’m dealing with right now though will not be resolved quickly, and the triggers I will really just have to wait out, because while I’m consciously happy and excited, my brain behind the scenes is running on death and disaster, and trying to be really intrusive about it. I need time for those disaster predictions to be proved wrong, and as hard as I’m working to combat it, time and effort are what this needs.
And sometimes that’s the way it is. I often move and operate at a fast pace, so the slow things are really hard for me – particularly when it involves my trauma brain. And I haven’t done yoga in about 5 days, which says a lot. Yoga is a lot harder for me when I’m not doing as well managing the mental chaos.