With all of the noticing and checking in about how I feel and when I experience severe symptoms, it’s looking like I’m going to have to give up sugar and caffeine. I’m pretty resentful about it.
I’m not at my best right now, and it’s like pushing a block of lead to get through the day upright and intact. I’ve noticed that when I’ve had coffee – decaf – and sugary things (not even dessert, but also dessert), I’m heading into severe anxiety and panic attacks fairly quickly. It doesn’t make for a productive day, or a me that feels very well.
I really like coffee. I prefer more salty than sweet, but baked beans sent me over the edge earlier, so now I’m having to reconsider how I eat and how that affects how I feel. I’m not ok today, and I’m wondering how much of that might be due to some recent carelessness about my diet. Not fun, not good, and not what I want, but true nonetheless. I’m aware that there have been studies on the effects of caffeine on people who experience PTSD, and it’s not recommended because it alerts the same systems that I can have alerted through triggers or just because, and I know for myself that my brain and body don’t know the difference.
Did I mention I’m resentful?
It feels like one more pleasure taken away, and based on how my body responds to sugar, I’m looking at giving up a range of things from drinks to food to dessert.
If I view it as for a time and purpose though, does it make it better? If I set goals and intentions to be loving toward myself and accept that might mean laying down things that are causing harm, does it help? Looks like I’m about to find out, because this is not the way I want to be.