I’m starting to realize I may need to frame my experience differently just to give my self-confidence a break, but the onslaught of things not working well continues.
I was supposed to meet with a mayor this morning. A lot of mayors are really volunteers and don’t get paid for their elected position, and so work a full-time job in addition to their civic duties. I try to keep this in mind when I ask elected officials to meet with me. I have a lot of connections to this mayor, and when I requested a meeting to discuss a subject in which I know he has a lot of interest, I was pleased that he was excited to meet. That meeting got rescheduled because he had forgotten a prior engagement, and he requested to move to today. When I asked if the same time would work for him, he never replied, but I showed up this morning anyway, just in case. He didn’t show and hasn’t responded.
I was supposed to have another meeting either today or tomorrow at a research archive. They also never got back to me to confirm after inviting me initially.
For things to happen the way they did today after last week, my confidence is a solid zero and I am still struggling to process what is going on. To add to that I have colleagues on a project basically demanding that I produce my work when they have done NONE of what they were supposed to do – which was to come first. My mental game is not strong right now, and I feel depression rushing up quickly. It’s pretty rough, honestly, and I’ve had to pause and collect myself a couple of times today.
And I have a week of this to get through?
I really understand when people don’t answer the phone. And I’m not even mad at getting stood up, it’s really more about the cumulative effects on me, which are stacking up to a bit more than I can carry at the moment.
My will to keep going is pretty strong, but I don’t doubt I’ll have to have a few more pauses as I struggle though today and tomorrow. There’s not relief in sight unless and until I can get some work cleared off my desk, so that’s my focus for now. I have a lot of long-term actions that I need to start on, but with my limited capacity for the moment I’m having to break the to-do list down into small pieces and give myself small and reachable daily goals so that I don’t get too overwhelmed.
I know, hang in there, it won’t last. It’s just that it’s already lasted long enough to stress my ability to cope!