I’m not sure how the majority of my life has blown up in my face in the last eight days, but here I am.
I’m sure at some point in the future I will look back on this fortnight with perspective wrought by time and I won’t mind so much, because I will have learned and grown and been pointed to amazing new opportunities that I didn’t see now. It’s not taking me down, I’m still getting a completely reasonable amount of work done each day, still responding to communication from others and still working through some tough conversations and realities. I haven’t given up, checked out or gone sleepless. I’m not drinking my way through it, I’m not blaming anyone else. In fact, I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I did to get here.
And, against everything that I find comfortable, there are no fast or easy solutions, and there is nothing I can do about this mess and uncertainty but keep working and wait, because I am not in control of most of my current situations. And what I can control also needs to work and wait. I need to keep on the current trajectory, to keep taking the steps despite knowing that I might soon be going in a very different direction. It might be a good part of why I quit yoga halfway through this evening. I have enough uncertainty and discomfort, I didn’t need more today, and I just wasn’t feeling the video.