Sometimes, Life Changes Fast

First, thank you to those who have recently found and/or followed my blog. I do this for me, and I don’t have a whole lot of followers, but in the past few weeks I’ve had a lot more views, so however you find me and read my blog, thank you!

I am in a place of so much uncertainty right now, at the same time that I am making plans through November for travel, conferences, spending, work and other associated things. It’s a weird and very uncomfortable tension.

Can I be really honest?

Financially, things are really challenging for me right now. Not dire, but I went two months without being paid on a project, and I am not going to get that money back. There are limited funds for the up-front costs, and it looks like I was low on the priority list. I’m guessing it was assumed that of all the people who had to be paid, I was the one most likely to do work without getting what I was supposed to (true, that happened), while others had to be paid to perform surveys, assessments, etc.

Well, that was a blow, and since I put my time and energy into that project instead of getting more work that would pay, I don’t have projects lined up to make up for it, and it’s left me scrambling for what to do. I really enjoy working for myself, but I don’t enjoy this, and having to be the one to bear the financial burden was not what I signed up for, at all. So! I’ve been applying for jobs in my field while continuing on with business as usual in the meantime, and trying to process it all. But it’s a lot.

The response has been good, I have an interview and looks like I’ll soon be scheduled for another, and I am really grateful for that. But if I can repeat myself, this is really tough. Walking away from a few years of trying to build something I find fulfilling, only to feel like my lack of boundaries ultimately collapsed it, and not feeling able to keep my head above water – yikes. I’m not upset about going to work for an organization, and I don’t have the money to travel and have a lot of fun in my time off anyway, so the less flexible schedule is more of a perception than a reality, I think. This will (hopefully) afford me the opportunity to get stable, find my feet, learn new things in a new arena and sort out what I want to do while I do something relatively more steady. I’m not too sad, it’s just a lot of change very quickly.

There is the possibility that we get back on track with the project, I start getting paid on schedule, I make it a few months and long enough to bring in more work, things get more stable on my own and I’m able to turn a near-tragedy into a success. And that’s what I’ll be doing if the interviews don’t work out! But as much as I was so excited about this project and my work and my plans a few months ago, I’m not now. It’s all soured a bit, and I have a strong inclination to just walk away from it all and start something new.

Something with much more realistic potential to help me keep my bills paid, build up a bit of a financial cushion and let me pursue some lines of interest that are a hobby and not paying work. At least yet.

In the middle of all of this, my WordPress plan is up for renewal. In two days. I’ve had the premium plan, but that doesn’t seem like a wise way to spend my money at the moment while I am in financial and work transitions with some unknown timelines and outcomes, so I am assuming I’ll still have this blog on Thursday, but I don’t actually know! That has been a bit aggravating as well, because the timing of everything is just a big heap of stress all at once, and I may take a bit of a break from blogging. Not because I don’t love this and appreciate the comments, support, likes and reads, but because I have to get myself out of this pinch, and I’m not sure how best to allocate my energy and focus for the next several days/weeks to accomplish that. And…my blog might die on Thursday?

It’s been a long, hard road, y’all, and I’m not there yet. I’m upset that I haven’t been able to lost the weight I wanted to this summer, that I’m not as strong as I wanted to be yet, that work has not worked out and that I’ve been kind of cruising along, not able to pay attention to the warning signs until they started flashing really big in front of me. I may have been a hard-working optimist, or I may have been making up a story, or I may have been not paying attention, or I may have been in denial. I’m not sure yet!

I am sure that I am so grateful for the blogging community and what it has provided to me these last couple of years, so thank you!

thank you signage
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10 thoughts on “Sometimes, Life Changes Fast

  1. I hope you will continue blogging as I love your blog 💕 Take a break if that’s what you need. I hope your blog won’t die. You are doing your best and that’s more than enough. I’m here for you. Sending you lots of love 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, I hope it doesn’t die too! I am just having to wait and see on a lot of things right now, including that. Maybe a miracle will happen and really great things will happen tomorrow, but I think I will have to get my work situation figured out first and then bring my blog back to what I want it to be after that. We will see! I appreciate you so much ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. 😥 I’d be really sad if your blog disappeared. Right now it looks like it still exists but doesn’t have the same formatting, as you predicted.
    And wow, that is a lot of change! I hope things in your work work out in a way that you’re happy with. I know you put a ton of hard work into your entrepreneurship career, and I can imagine I’d be sad to be leaving that if I were in your position, although mixed with other emotions.
    Good luck with everything… ❤ just keep on going ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Still swimming around in a sea of uncertainty, but still trying to do things, keep it going, not give up, get out of bed every day and keep at it until something new opens up! It’s so much change, and it’s just…a beating most of the time. But I’ve had some really cool experiences, I’ve practiced being vulnerable and kind and I’ve decided I’ve definitely said yes to way too many things and need to reel back on my schedule now that I realize I’ve created a lot of chaos for myself in the next two months. One way or another, I’ve created a life that doesn’t work for me, and I have to find a way to untangle myself somehow, and start saying NO when asked if I want to do things. I thought it would be good for me to try new things and get out of my cave a bit, but I didn’t pay attention and went too far. Ugh.

      So apparently now I have a coffee blog??? I’ll work on that as I’m able (have time around trying to sort out my life), and get back to posting more regularly, but I’m still a bit overwhelmed by other things at the moment.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Keeping going is hard and brave but important!! That’s awesome that you’re trying new things though and really trying to make your life better in big ways. I can relate to taking on too much at once and needing to cut back; I’ve definitely done that this semester with too many clubs combined with hard classes! (and of course the time commitment that mental and physical health issues require :/ ) (I’m working on sorting it out / saying no now though.)

        Haha I like the coffee blog theme! 🙂 I also really like your new cowgirl boots (is that what they are?) picture!! 🙂
        It’s very understandable that you’d be overwhelmed by all the change and stuff going on!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I really have to say no now, but the boundaries thing is so hard for me still. And I just like to do things. But I’m overbooked for two months now and just really need to take nothing else on for my own sake.

          Yes, they’re boots from a woman jumping. I have a couple pairs but mine are different and I don’t tend to go jumping around with a photographer on hand 🙃

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Haha well I’m glad you just like to do things!! 🙂 I’m kinda new to trying to have boundaries and set limits, but it seems like it’s something you have to work at over a period of time. I’m sorry it’s still hard now and hope it gets better in the future.

            Lol, that would be fun to just go jumping around and have someone take cool shots of your cool boots. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

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