Cue massive anxiety because after six weeks of suspense, big changes are happening!
I’ve been offered the job I applied for and wanted, and which I actually have wanted for about five years. This is so exciting, and overwhelming, and a bit unbelievable in a good way.
I’m also having to deal with all of the challenges of experiencing big life changes with PTSD. Take all of the emotion, positive and negative, and turn it up to an 11. It’s taking me a few days to even process it, and although I know it is exciting and I want to be excited, I can’t get there yet because PTSD doesn’t always allow me to experience emotion “normally”.
I am still working out the details and there are still a lot of unknowns and uncertainties, so I am still dealing with PTSD responses to that (my brain hates unknowns and is constantly trying to fill in the blanks itself, but chooses negative outcomes every single time), but at least I’m able to recognize that this is a big change, I don’t deal well with change without some effort to intervene in my thoughts, and this is going to be difficult and tiring as I go through the transition. It might be fair, it might not, but it just is.
And…I got the job!