[Not An] Influencer

It’s been informative to watch social media influencers come to fame. There have always been those with influence, but now you can reach most of the world from a room in your dwelling, or on a trip in a van, or from the top of a mountain. It’s wild. I don’t keep up with most of it, I don’t have the time or interest. But I do follow a couple of people on YouTube and Instagram who know much more than I do about topics I’m interested in, and who present themselves with authenticity and credibility.

I’m not out to fake my way to better pics with filters or make my waist/nose/chin slimmer, or make the perfect brunch with the perfect cocktail with the perfect OOD. I am out to be better, to improve my life, to learn things that interest me or that I think will make my life or myself better. I want to garden more and be better at it. I want to take better care of my skin. I want to be better at connecting cooking to growing my own food and learn some techniques I’ve never tried to master. I want to gain physical and mental strength with yoga and walking. And the people I’m learning from have attained some level or a great level of celebrity for being experts at these things, and working at their craft with authenticity. And I approach my life and my relationships with a similar authenticity, but I have no desire for the celebrity. I don’t need massive success. I like what I do and still have a lot of foundation to build, even after many years of working at it. I do think that people who attain celebrity and influence with authenticity, people who share and are kind and who themselves strive to do better and help others do better. I’ve never met these people, but they’ve inspired and educated me, and helped me keep my chin up when not a lot else was.

I frequently experience depression, more or less, and sometimes on the weekends it can knock me down pretty hard. I don’t have a lot of time or energy to process emotion during the work week, and sometimes it sucker punches me. Plans and chores fall by the wayside and it’s a lot to just get out of bed. It’s hard to shift out of “I don’t have much weekend left” to “Let’s make the most of the weekend!”, but that’s not how depression works. But I usually try to push through in small ways anyway, and even if I can’t mentally come out of it I can usually still go walk, or still listen to something I can learn from, and maybe I can do a low-key yoga video. I’m re-developing the discipline that carried me years ago, and that I lost for a while when I had to put that energy into healing. My reasons are different now, and my approach is a lot more kind, and thanks so some influence, the learning is focused toward improving my situation, even while a lot of things are not so great, so that I can make the most of when they are great.

young black woman in blue facial treatment mask using smartphone at home
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

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