I can’t say 2020 was only dark. There was a lot of light. A lot of growth. A lot of healing. A lot of courage. A lot of learning. A lot of practice. A lot of discipline. A lot of doing things I never thought I’d be able to do again. A lot of learning to cope with grief in new ways that don’t harm me or others. A lot of learning how my brain works so that I can help it do better. A lot of paying off debt – all kinds of debt.
I don’t regret or hate this year, I’m grateful for it. Mostly because there’s not much else I can do about it, and what I could do I have done.
I did what I could. Mostly that was work and family, I didn’t have much energy for anything else, including this blog. And now I don’t know what to do with this blog! I have great affection for it and the role (and so many of you!) have served in my healing process. I’m also not working at it, instead putting my energy elsewhere. I don’t know if I will get back to it. I don’t know what purpose it serves now, or if it does serve a purpose. As this year closes, I have that feeling of needing to really evaluate how and what I’m doing and scrape out old things to make way for new. I’m also ready to clean my house to within an inch of its life, overhaul my garden, clean out my closet – you know how that goes. We’ll see if I actually do, this might just be a bit of manic energy at play.
I’m not big on new year’s resolutions – which is why I’m starting early! But I am increasingly big on sharing kindness, compassion and empathy through my words and actions, and on dialing into what fulfills me in life. I’m proud of how that went this year, and I am looking forward to where it goes next year.