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The Fear Goes Far Beyond Myself

Living with PTSD, I frequently experience intrusive thoughts of disaster, death and injury to myself. I can be sitting quietly and comfortably at home and thoughts of accidental harm and injury can race through my mind, completely unwanted – and to those who don’t live with it, completely unwarranted. “Just don’t think about it” or…

Waking Up Has Become the Enemy

I’ve heard “positive vibes” statements that go something along the lines of, “Every day you wake up is a good day.” I disagree, because PTSD causes my waking up to sometimes be horrifyingly bad. I tend to go through about three different sleep cycles, depending on my stress levels, how we’ll I’m managing symptoms and…

I Might Have to Quit Sugar/Caffeine

With all of the noticing and checking in about how I feel and when I experience severe symptoms, it’s looking like I’m going to have to give up sugar and caffeine. I’m pretty resentful about it. I’m not at my best right now, and it’s like pushing a block of lead to get through the…

Balancing Doing and Learning

I spent the weekend doing. I showed up, I said yes, I learned a lot, but I focused on┬ádoing. I’ve lost about 15 or so pounds since this time last year, most of which has happened so far this year. I’ve not been paying that much attention to what I eat or how I exercise…

I Tried Saying Yes

In my ongoing efforts to push back against PTSD symptoms, I decided to say yes to everything this weekend. I didn’t die, I’m not freaked out and refusing to leave my house ever again and I had a pretty good time. Who knew? I said yes to things that required me to drive, even though…