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Please Stop the Bleeding

I’m using some graphic language to describe my emotional experience, so if that is not a good place for you, much love for what you’ve experienced and please skip this post. I’m crushing under the weight of things right now. My own stuff with work and relationships being so hard and unresolved right now, mass…

Auditory Hallucinations with PTSD

I’ve experienced exploding head syndrome for several years – maybe about a decade now? When I’m under a lot of stress, I can “hear” loud sounds when I’m asleep, usually shortly after I’m asleep, that wake me up with a start and a bit of panic. There wasn’t actually a noise, it was a fabrication…

Workout Then Panic

PTSD can be such a rough go. My brain connects me having an elevated heart rate with threat of death, and I’m guessing my heart rate was pretty high during my car wreck. I’ve previously had the experience of having a panic attack during or after a workout (why I haven’t worked out much beyond…

Learning to Wait

My dumpster fire of a life has just conflated to a bonfire, and things continue to not go well. It’s almost comical at this point, except that somewhere in the chaos and gritting my teeth, it really hurts. I’m watching a lot of things I’ve worked really hard for burn up in front of me,…

Week of Failure Round 2

I’m starting to realize I may need to frame my experience differently just to give my self-confidence a break, but the onslaught of things not working well continues. I was supposed to meet with a mayor this morning. A lot of mayors are really volunteers and don’t get paid for their elected position, and so…

How Far Do You Go To Help?

I like to help. Historically, however, I’ve gone too far in helping. What I mean by that is that I’ve exhausted my own resources and not set healthy boundaries in taking others’ problems on myself. While it gave me meaning, it has been an unhealthy behavior pattern that has compromised my own health and well-being…